Twelve Cupcakes

Today I was exhausted from last night's local events, from my cat waking me up at 6 a.m., from a dissertation interview that was in the morning. To be honest with you, I think I might still be hungover from Monday night, when I got slightly trashed after a traumatic floor hockey elimination. Or maybe I'm just sleep deprived.

After the interview, I found myself in the cupcake bakery near campus. But instead of buying two or three cupcakes like usual, I asked how much it would be for twelve of them. Twenty-three dollars. I paused for a long time, gazing at the cupcakes. "Okay, I'll take twelve."

I took the cupcakes to my department and passed them out to the staff. I didn't explain why I had twelve cupcakes, because there was no explanation. I just said, "Do you want a cupcake? You can have one. Here."

At the bus stop, an undergrad noticed the box and asked me if they were from the bakery near campus. I said, "Yeah, do you want one? Here." She was thrilled -- she said it made her day. We got on the bus. I wanted to give one to the driver, but people were pushing to get on, and I just kept walking. I brought the rest of the cupcakes home.

I have no summer funding, and I am supposed to be saving money. I am supposed to spend as little as possible every day. I was not supposed to spend twenty-three dollars on cupcakes. But when I get tired, that voice in my head just quits. I squint at the bright, beautiful cupcakes, and there's no resistance. I just say okay. I'll take twelve.

I'm going to sleep tonight, and then tomorrow I will make better decisions. I won't be tempted to buy cupcakes, because I'll just be here at home. Plus I already have some in my kitchen.