March 15, 2010

Doctor's appointment

Today I went to see the doctor, and she told me that my foot has finally healed enough for me to start physical therapy. I am supposed to start walking around the apartment in a shoe, and work up to taking actual walks without the cast. I should be completely out of the cast in about two weeks.

The doctor asked me if I brought a shoe to campus. Are you kidding me? This is the unluckiest thing that has ever happened to me. I'm not going to tempt fate by bringing a shoe. She said other patients have told her the same thing. I am not a superstitious person, but with something like this, you just don't fuck around with fate.

So this evening, I put a shoe on for the first time in two months. I took a step and the feeling is similar to trying to walk when your foot is asleep. You try to take a step and your leg just buckles. My muscles are very weak, and taking a full step hurts.

People keep saying "you must be so happy!!" but I'm really not. I'm relieved, but I'm still depressed about everything I've been through and everything I lost during these past two months. The hockey season is over -- I missed the entire season. I've lost all of my strength and my fitness, and I have weeks of painful, expensive rehab ahead of me. So it's not like something awesome happened to me. I'm just slowly getting back to a place where I can feel normal.

So I just feel okay. If the news had been bad, I would be devastated, so of course the news was good to hear. But I can't feel happy when I lost so much, you know? People expect that from me, but that's not how I feel. I'm a fairly upbeat, pleasant person so it's not like I'm just moaning about this to everyone... but I've become sensitive to being told how I should feel about a situation that has been so difficult for me.

My insurance will not cover most of the physical therapy, so that's a whole new crisis... but I don't even feel like writing about it right now.

2 Comments:

  • Glad to hear this ordeal is closer to being over for you.

    Maybe the physiotherapist can give you exercises to do without you needing to come in for multiple trips.

    By Blogger Psychgrad, at 3/16/10, 2:46 AM  

  • I'm glad it seems to be moving forward. I hope you're able to figure something out with PT so it doesn't put you in futher financial difficulties.

    By Blogger Psych Post Doc, at 3/16/10, 12:20 PM  

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