February 26, 2010

A bad day

I was hopeful that I would be getting my cast off today, because it's been six weeks and my doctor told me that it might come off this week. But after examining the foot, my doctor told me that it's still healing and it could be 4-6 more weeks. There is no reason and nothing I can do -- it's just taking a long time.

I went back to my office, closed the door and sobbed for almost an hour. It was the first time I had cried since I broke my foot. I've been depressed and stewing in stress hormones, with no release since I can't exercise... but for some reason I hadn't been able to cry about it yet.

Then I had to call my bank because I found out that the cockwhores at Chase doubled my APR in anticipation of the new credit card law. They basically told me to suck it, and then I couldn't stop crying again. I haven't blogged about it, but I'm having financial problems that have been extremely stressful, to the point where I've been unable to sleep because I've been up worrying about money -- and this was the worst possible time for the Democrats and the banks to fuck me like this.

Next, I had to sit through office hours with puffy eyes, a red nose, looking like hell. (Fortunately the students who came were nice and genuinely wanted help.)

Grad school has involved many periods of sustained misery, where I'm exhausted and unhappy every day, and the next break is months away. It seems like every time I think I'm beyond that or in a better place, something happens and I feel overwhelmed all over again. This year, I felt like I was finally in a place where I could be a healthy and productive grad student -- then this happened, and now I'm back to feeling awful all the time.

I'm sorry if that sounds overly histrionic. My doctor seemed surprised that I was so upset about more time in the cast, and reminded me that "it could be worse." Of course I know that it could be worse, and that many people would be happy if they could trade their problems for mine... but this is my space to vent, and that's how I feel right now.

In other news, a bit of hilarious department gossip brightened my day just a little... it was the only thing that made me smile all day. I wish I could tell you guys all about it, but some things are best left off the internet.

5 Comments:

  • Like you really needed a random comment about shoes after this post!

    That really sucks about the case staying on. Can you go do some upper-body workouts at the gym?

    Sending good, healing vibes your way!

    By Blogger Psychgrad, at 2/27/10, 12:30 AM  

  • Thanks for the healing vibes!

    People keep suggesting arm weights, and of course I've tried it, but just getting to the gym when I can't drive and trying to deal with showering would make it a multi-hour ordeal that I don't have time for -- so there's really no way I can get into a gym routine in my current situation. And it's just a personal thing, but I've always hated lifting weights and arm exercises in general. I just find it completely unsatisfying -- only running makes me feel better, and that's what I can't do right now. There are a few options, but all involve risk to the foot. So I'm resigned to waiting it out.

    By Blogger Di Di, at 2/27/10, 2:27 AM  

  • Oh man, that's lousy! I had so hoped you'd get good news on this visit. I guess the next thing to hope for is that it won't be as long as the doctor thinks.

    Could you not opt out of the card rate and just pay it off at the existing rate? I thought it was now a law that they had to offer you this option. I did that with two cards, though it meant closing them and having no credit for awhile. I then went and shopped for a lower rate card even while I was paying off the assholes. It's just a really shitty spot to be in, all around. I'm so sorry everything is hitting you at once... again! I think at the end of this degree you should get sainthood, in addition to your diploma.

    By Blogger Mamabeek, at 2/27/10, 4:17 AM  

  • I'm so sorry, all of this sucks and I don't think you're being at all dramatic.

    Do you not get a Spring Break? That should be soon right?

    By Blogger Psych Post Doc, at 2/27/10, 11:04 AM  

  • Mamabeek, I looked into that option last time they increased my rate but couldn't close the card because it was my only card and I didn't have any cash. Then they increased it even more and I never got that notification (they claim they did, and there's no proof otherwise) -- which is why I was surprised that it had doubled. At this point there's nothing I can do about the card, though of course I know about my other options with other cards, etc.

    Psych Post Doc - I get a break at the end of March, and I'm excited about it -- although this is the first year I'm not desperate for a break from grad school, just desperate to be done with this injury... thanks for the sympathy and kind words also.

    By Blogger Di Di, at 2/27/10, 7:51 PM  

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