Oh god.

Yesterday, my sister and I spent the day visiting our Italian relatives in Pittsburgh. The highlights:

- My cousin allowed her 3 year old to hit me repeatedly. He would get a running start in the next room and crash into me, smacking my side and my boobs, and nearly knocking me off my chair. Everyone thought it was "cute."

- My great aunt complained that her one year old granddaughter was wearing jeans and a t-shirt instead of a dress, and said she "looks like a welfare baby."

- The three year old apparently wanted a pink toy like two years ago, and the family is still teasing his father that the child might turn out to be gay (because the father becomes enraged at the suggestion.)

- My five year old cousin is in a special needs school, where most of his classmates are black or (their words) "half and half." "But it's okay," said his mother. "It's not like he is going to marry one!"

- Endless questions and concern about why I am still in school. I know that a Ph.D. takes a long time, but there is no need to gasp in horror and exclaim "What takes so long?!? That's terrible!"

- Questions about why my sister and I (ages 22 and 26) are still single, which is a terrible shame.

- How bout them Stillers?